


C: Crash

by brokxnharry



Series: Teen Wolf A-Z Challenge (with songs) [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Almost death, Angst, Anxiety, Car Accidents, Derek Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Melissa McCall is an angel, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Stilinski Family Feels, True Alpha Scott McCall, jennifer was the devil, just weed though, mentions of argents past, mentions of cora but no real appearance, mentions of ice baths, mentions of nemeton, same for isaac, sterek roadtrip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 05:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11571345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokxnharry/pseuds/brokxnharry
Summary: Stiles almost lost his dad that night. Scott and Allison almost lost the only parents they had left too. And Stiles doesn't know how to be okay with that. With any of it.





	C: Crash

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Confessions - City and Colour

The trees rushed by him, and he didn't know if he was the one running, or if it was the world, escaping him, shying away from his tired eyes. He had an arm out the car window, wind hitting against it so fiercely, he thought it would disconnect, fall away. He wondered what else the wind wanted to take away from him. It was peaceful though. He found calm in how fast it all faded, before he had time to marvel upon it, to take in how it looked, and miss it, when he could no longer find it there. He found serenity in the air touching against his skin, filling his lungs so that they had no other choice but to breathe in, just this once.

He could hear the radio playing somewhere far, far away. But it wasn't informing him of a crime scene that his dad would be heading to, or a suspect that had escaped. It was playing music, or static, or a song about loss and fear and crippling grief. He didn't really know. Could still hear the sound of the ground collapsing onto his father and the only mother-figure he'd ever really had. He shivered, suddenly despising the thoughts for cutting through his calm, for making his heart jump like that, after he'd tried so hard, to keep it steady, keep it from hurting.

" Lydia gave me this. She, uh, said you might need it." A voice said beside him, and oh, he wasn't alone in the car, not anymore. He wasn't the one crashing it into a tree, thinking of how late he'd now be, too late to save his dad and everyone who'd ever meant something to someone, right before his eyes fell shut, and he just.. slipped away.

" I don't think a cigarette would be of any use right now. But, thanks, I guess." His hand was shaky, he noticed, as it brushed against Derek's, taking the cigarette, and just keeping it there.

" It's not a cigarette. I think it's pot." Stiles' eyes widened, something that sounded like a hollowed out chuckle rumbling through his chest.

" Giving the sheriff's son illegal drugs. Typical Lydia." He shook his head, looking out the window again, although, the cigarette was still somewhere between his fingers. Derek watched on, wishing he could put his hand over Stiles' to just stop it from trembling. Wishing he could will the grief right out of him, scare what laid on his shoulders, away.

" Here," Derek took out the car's lighter, putting it near Stiles, but not too close, ignoring the way it smelled, and how his stomach had immediately turned in recognition. Stiles looked between Derek's hand, and his face, searching for something that he didn't know was there. A reason why. A hint of judgment. Anything to indicate that he saw Stiles as pathetic, wanted to tell him to move on, that his troubles were meaningless, insignificant, compared to a burned family and a psychotic uncle and a sister torn in half. But there wasn't any of that. There was nothing there but worry, empathy, that Stiles probably didn't deserve.

He leaned in, putting the cigarette between his teeth, nearing its other end to the lighter. His teeth were colliding against one another, almost biting right through the cigarette, but Derek didn't seem to mind, holding the lighter there, all firm and stable and strong, until the scent of burning weed filled the air, and Stiles pulled back, closing his eyes around the imploding sensation of his lungs, and how the aching in his body, was starting to fade away.

He inhaled once. Twice. Trying not to cough any of it out, feeling it grasping at all that filled his chest, almost choking it all. Kind of choking him.

" My dad almost died."

There was nothing there for Derek to hear. No fluctuations. No hesitation. No trembling to match the one in Stiles' limbs. His heart ached for the man who was always so full, so wholesome and complete and lively, the man who was everything life was supposed to look like, now voided, empty, with holes through his soul, and a carved out heart.

" I- I know, Stiles. I was there."

" I wasn't saying it for you. I, I'm just trying to soak it up. It just, doesn't make sense, you know. He was taken. Was going to be part of a human sacrifice. Scott's mum too. And Allison's dad. They, they were all going to die. They were going to leave us. Just like that. That's so fucking weird. You know what I'm talking about?"

Stiles was looking right at Derek now, and he felt like he was demanding answers that he didn't have. Derek couldn't make sense of any of it, he'd always had trouble making sense of death and loss and all the shit that came with it.  

" I guess. They didn't though. They're okay. They're safe, Stiles."

" Yeah, but the point is, they could have, Derek." He yelled, with an anger he never thought he could foster, eyes welling with tears that had been drowning him, from the inside out.

" They, they could have died. And then what? Scott's dad walked out years ago. He was an abusive asshole, and Melissa just- she put her son first. She loved him so much, it broke her fucking heart to tell him to walk away, but she did it, because she couldn't risk having him around Scott. She's all Scott has ever had. And- and Allison, has she not lost enough? From her, her mum, to her psychopath of a grandfather, to having to lose Scott in a way, and now, her dad too?"

" Stiles,"

" And what about **_me_**? Huh? What about me, Derek? I- my mum fucking lost her mind before she died. She couldn't remember me. She, she told me she hated me. Told me, this was all my fault. And, I know that wasn't really her, **_fuck_** , I know that, but she still died, so why the fuck did she have to leave me with **_that_**? With those words in my head, over and over and over?" He was coming undone, the cigarette falling away through the minimal grasp he had on everything around him, hands coming to his face, wiping against it, like he was trying to wipe his existence away. Just erase it, like he'd never been there at all.

" And- dad has been through so much, Derek. Too fucking much. He, he hadn't been the same since that night. He, used to drink a lot, right? Like, an unhealthy amount of alcohol. And I knew he was trying to forget, but it didn't help. It made him emotional and irrational and just- mean. But at least he was there. At least I knew I had him. Whatever was left of him, I would have taken that. Taken anything, just- why him, Derek? There are so many parents or guardians out there, fuck, why did it have to be him? I mean, couldn't she have left him to me? Do I not deserve to have **_one_** fucking person in my life that doesn't leave? That doesn't die or find someone better or piss off to God knows where?"

Derek winced, remembering his torn up body seeking sanctuary somewhere far, far, away. Leaving behind a terrified pack, weakened by grief and utter defeat. And he wondered if the wounds that had healed from his body, left scars somewhere on Stiles. He wondered if they'd ever go away, or if they'd always stay, despite him being unable to.

Stiles' heart was beating so ruthlessly against Derek's eardrums, he thought it'd pierce right through them. Right through Stiles' chest. Stiles' entire figure was convulsing, ridding itself of things that were rooted so deeply within, where not even Derek could reach.

" Stiles, just- breathe. Please. We'll talk about this, about whatever you want. Just breathe. It's okay. You're okay. Everyone's okay."

Stiles tried. He really did, but Derek's voice was reforming into the sound of his roars, the sound of the pack's claws cutting right through him, holding him somewhere, before letting go. Stiles heard the moment his body crashed to the ground. The moment his car crashed into a tree. The moment he crashed into a bench in the locker room, breathless and terrified. The moment they crashed against the surface of the ice-cold water, not knowing if they'd ever come up for air again.

Everything was crashing and falling and breaking and Stiles didn't know why he expected not to. He wasn't any better. If it all came tumbling down. If nothing was strong enough to make it. If the world was collapsing, then why couldn't he?

Derek couldn't think past the sound of Stiles' ragged breathing and how his heart sounded like it was breaking apart or breaking the bones of his ribcage, one rib at a time. He couldn't concentrate past the salty scent of tears and the nauseating smell of misery. So, he parked the car somewhere, taking his phone out, before dialing the sheriff's number, eyes taking Stiles in, hands somewhere around him, trying to keep all the pieces of him together.

" Derek,"

" Sheriff, I need you to talk to Stiles. I think he needs to hear your voice. Is Scott still there?"

" Y- yeah. Most of them are here. What's wrong? Is he okay?" Derek didn't know how to respond to that, without breaking something further in the sheriff. And he just couldn't.

" Here. I'm putting you on speaker now." He pressed the button, disregarding the phone so that he'd be able to hold onto Stiles with both hands now. Holding onto him with all he had.

" Stiles, hey, kid. Is everything okay?" Something almost inhumane made its way past Stiles, and Derek could have sworn, he heard the breath catching in the sheriff's throat.

" Okay, okay, okay. What do you want to hear, huh? You know how to do this, Stiles. Easy. You've done it for years now. Breathe in. Hold it for as long as you can. Breathe out. Derek is right there, see how he's doing it, tune in, Stiles. Focus, buddy. Come on. You've got this."

Derek nodded, pulling Stiles' hands away from his face, laying them onto his own chest. He tried to manner his breathing, only now realizing that it'd been erratic and unsteady. Stiles' eyes were wide and horrified, mouth opened agape, as he gasped, like there was no air left for him to breathe.

" Is this Stiles? Are they there yet?" Scott's voice filled the car, flying past the open windows, almost to rub it in the universe's face, that yeah, he was okay. And so was the sheriff. Stiles choked on a cry or two, but a smile still broke through all that, his fingers twitching beneath Derek's touch.

" No, something is wrong, I don't know. He doesn't sound too good."

" Stiles? You okay there, man? Derek isn't being too much of an asshole, is he? He's my beta now, you know. Or at least, I think so? I don't know how it works, but I'm pretty sure true alphas are more badass than regular alphas." Derek thought Stiles tried to laugh, although, tears still fell away against his skin. It was something, at least. He could smell reassurance now, somewhere where anxiety wasn't so aggressive and cruel.

" Asshole." Derek whispered, although, there was no real bite to it. Mostly appreciation.

" Mum, come talk to Stiles, I'll take over making dinner till you're done." Scott's voice faded into the background, replaced by Melissa's, that was always so kind, so wise and careful and comforting. Stiles always thought she sounded like good things, like the oven's ding after making cookies, or the door opening for a father's return, or a kiss against a cheek that made everything better.

" Hey, kiddo, how are you? I'll have you know, we're being extra careful with your dad's food, nothing tasty whatsoever. In fact, nothing anywhere near edible." Stiles heard his dad groaning in the background, heard Scott's confirmation, and Melissa's patient breathing, as she awaited his response.

" I'm fine. I- I'm okay." He nodded, almost to himself, shoulders sagging with relief, hands still trembling, but Derek could feel him, connecting back with his surroundings, coming back to himself.

" Yeah? I knew you would be. So, are you coming home? Cancelling this road trip for now?" Stiles looked up at Derek then, sniffling, almost in remembrance, in familiarity. Derek smiled, a bit hesitant, a bit fearful, but consistent all the same.

" No. I think, we're just going to go see Cora. And, spend some time away. For a bit. You're going to stay together?"

" We're taking shifts around each other, yeah. So that no one has to stay alone. Lydia and Isaac are here now too. I think the rest of them are on their way. We miss you though. Both of you." Derek could have cried, at the sense of belonging tugging at his heart, like it was asking if he could still remember how it felt, remembered how to do this, after being alone for so long.

" We'll be back soon. We, we're going to miss you too, though. All of you." Derek spoke for the first time since the call had connected. He realized that he was the one clinging to Stiles now, instead of the other way around.

" Take care, guys. Don't forget to call to let us know you're okay. I'm going to go back to the kitchen now before Scott inhales all the food." Her voice then went away, the sheriff's laughter saturating Stiles' senses, as the last of his anxiety dissolved, leaving him worn out, feeling boneless, raw, like someone had been rubbing at all his wounds and scratches and scars.

" Feeling better now?" The sheriff still sounded concerned, loving, and Stiles found himself missing the way he spoke to him, the way he looked at him and drank him in, every time, feeling like it could be the last, but also, like it was the very first time, like he was falling in love with his son, all over again.

" Yeah," Stiles hummed in confirmation, pulling away from Derek, resting his head against his chair, eyes tiredly falling closed. " I love you, dad."

It took the sheriff a few moments to speak without it sounding desperate and strangled and weak.

" I love you too, Stiles. I'll talk to you later." Stiles nodded, wrapping his arms around himself, feeling the cold that had set itself between his bones.

" We'll call when we get there, sheriff." Derek said, taking the phone in his hand, and almost hanging up.

" Yeah, okay. And, thank you, Derek. I owe you."

" No, you don’t. Have fun tonight. Also, if you can, tell Lydia that her idea was shitty and I'm never listening to her ever again."

" Let me guess, did it involve something illegal?"

" Yeah, pretty much."

" Knew it." The sheriff laughed, and so did Derek, starting the car again, comforted by Stiles' stabilizing breathing, and his soft snores, and how one of his hands was so close to Derek, like it was waiting to be held.

Derek finally gave in, threading his fingers between Stiles', holding on, and telling himself that it was mostly for Stiles' sake. Mostly.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think please, it means a lot :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [C: Crash (Podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15942773) by [AiJamaisFacil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiJamaisFacil/pseuds/AiJamaisFacil)




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